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Farm and Home Biosecurity
Consumer/General Public
Helping Children Respond to Disaster
The recent terrorist events have left our nation in grief. With grief comes a
flood of feelings that are not easy for adults or children to understand.
Feelings of disbelief, shock, denial, terror, anger, fear, guilt and shame may
all drift in and out and leave us confused and unsettled. Although we commonly
think of childhood as a time protected from the harsh realities of life, this
disaster has hit and hurt us all. So what can parents and caring adults do to
bring resolution, if not understanding and closure to such an event? How can we
help children respond to such a disaster? Dr. Steven Dennis, a Family Life
Specialist with University of Arkansas Cooperative Extension Service, suggests
that parents and caring adults keep the following in mind:
- Be available and "askable". Send the message to
children that it is okay to talk about unpleasant events. Allowing children
to talk about the event not only helps them process the experience, but it
also gives adults an opportunity to listen for understanding so they can
respond in a way that is meaningful and helpful.
- Keep children in the information loop. For children, ignorance
may not be bliss when they can see the concern on the faces of those around
them. Not sharing information about an event may send the message that the
subject is taboo and that you are unavailable to talk about it. Although too
much information may be overwhelming and frightening, too little information
can also be alarming. Parents should be gatekeepers and provide the
information that children need to understand and cope with the tragedy. The
best way to find the appropriate balance is to listen carefully and follow
the child’s lead.
- Give children an opportunity to tell the story in their own way.
Younger children often communicate their feelings best through drawings or
dramatic play. Older children and adolescents may share their feelings
through murals, memorials, or simply talking about the experience. If
children show or express difficult emotions (anger, confusion, or fear), it
is better to show understanding than to down play their emotions. A parent
might say, "Things like this are very confusing. It is natural to be
worried or afraid. But remember, we will take care of you and keep you
safe."
- Reassure children of their own safety and the safety of their
community. Children often misunderstand a situation. An explosion in New
York can leave them feeling personally threatened. Children may need to be
reassured that they are far from danger and are personally safe. Share the
steps that have been taken to assure safety. Be honest, but reassuring.
- Spend extra time with children. Sometime the best thing adults
can do is to stay physically near. When parents are physically available,
they are more likely to be emotionally available. During times of stress,
having a loved one to soothe, hold, reassure and provide extra attention is
important for children.
- Anchor children to the familiar. Familiar objects, routines
and faces help children feel secure. Keeping meals, bedtime rituals, and
daily routines as regular as possible will help children cope and remain
anchored.
- Consider how your own response may influence children.
Children often draw meaning from the situation by looking to parents for
understanding. When children realize parents and other caring adults are
grieving and powerless to change events, it can be fearful. Yet, it is
through openly sharing their own feelings, that children learn that their
own flood of emotions are normal. If necessary, parents should seek the help
they need so that they’ll be in a better position to help their children.
- Look for changes in behavior. If children have problems
sleeping, concentrating, or have stomach aches, an obsession with the
details, or misbehave, it may be a sign that they need help. Parents should
watch for any behavior that seems out of character. If you notice marked
changes in behavior, seek professional help.
- Help children and youth find a course of action. Taking
constructive action is one of the best ways to reduce stress and anxiety. It
may be as simple as writing in a journal or a complex as organizing a school
or community to do something about it. Action builds hope and renewal.
Positive action helps us feel better about ourselves, our families, and our
future.
For more information about marriage, parenting, and family issues contact
your county
Extension office or visit the
ARFamilies web page.
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